I’ve been HOARDING…

In case the 2 or 3 of you friends (who read this blog) hadn’t noticed, I haven’t written for a while.  Well, it’s because I’ve been HOARDING.

Let me back up just a bit and explain.

As each day, week, month, and year passes, I begin to realize more and more the subtle ways that I feel like God speaks to me.  I’m SLOWLY, VERY SLOWLY, discovering that more often than not, it’s in very quick little thoughts or phrases rather than big novel length revelations.  I mean, I get those too sometimes, but as I look back with intentionality, I realize that these thoughts or ideas or convictions land on my brain like a weightless butterfly that lands on a flower, only to quickly flit away the minute you notice it and try to capture it with your fingers.

And that’s what happened just a week or so ago.  I was in my room, putting away clothes, cleaning up and the thought quickly ran through my brain…”You’ve been hoarding.”  Rather than toss it aside, I actually stopped what I was doing, spoke the thought out loud to myself as a question, just to make sure I’d heard right and then the thought answered itself with, “YES, you’ve been hoarding.”

Ok, got it.  But I wanted to know what I’d been hoarding.  The wisest next thing to do would have been to ask, “Ok well what have I been hoarding?”  But, as in usual fashion, I automatically figured I knew what this was all about.  I knew what God was trying to speak to me  - this had to do with money, right?  That had to be it.  Or at least money had to be ALL that this was about.

So over the next few days, I chose to run with this seemingly random thought.  I did feel convicted that the way I’ve been living for so long, in regards to money, involves an element of hoarding.  Some would call it SAVING and there certainly is a benefit to that and a time for that.  But for me, I realized that I hoard money – solely out of FEAR and a complete lack of trust that God will provide it when I need it and exactly how I need it.

But this HOARDING that God was speaking to me about had much more to do with than money.  YES, it DID involve ways that I hoard money and ways that that needs to change.  It also involved soo much more – more than I really cared to deal with.  And thus, Pandora’s box popped open.

Just a couple of days ago, that word HOARDING flitted into my thoughts again.  My antennas were up.  Largely due to some conversations I’d had earlier in the week with friends about walls – those things we have allowed FEAR to build around our hearts and lives to try to keep pain and the people and events that cause it at bay.  I wondered how WALLS & HOARDING might go hand in hand.

So to the dictionary I went, looking up the definition of HOARDING.  I expected to find something about being a pack rat.  My thoughts immediately went to one of those shows on TLC about the family with the “messiest house in america.”  That was my definition of HOARDING or someone who hoards.  But this is what I found…

Hoarding:  to keep (as one’s thoughts) to oneself

This definition caught me off guard – BIG TIME.  That’s when everything started to crystallize.  I knew that this was a message to me, clear as a bell, to start writing again – no matter what the consequences.

I chewed on the definition again this morning – trying to see if I could find some way that it might mean something else.  I’m REALLY good at doing that.  It’s my way of making excuses as to why I don’t have to do what I need to do.  I also chewed on how keeping my thoughts IN aids in keeping my walls UP – a way of mental and emotional protection from the internal & external assaults.

You see, I don’t love writing.  Or maybe I just don’t love the consequences of writing.  I don’t like the mental battle I must face of taking out my sword to fend off the inner critic who wars with me every time I try to sit down and write what I think needs to be said (WW3 is going on in my head even as I write this!).  I don’t love the discipline of just writing, no matter how much it may suck one day, while extol brilliance the next.  I’ll also be honest in that I don’t want to hear the criticism that may come with putting your thoughts out there.  I’ve certainly criticized others and so naturally I would expect the same.  So to keep my thoughts to myself is to stay safe  - far away from that battlefield of criticism.  To that end, it seems that I have thus chosen to HOARD.

But not today at least.  I can’t guarantee tomorrow, for I’m only given today.  I can’t guarantee that I won’t get lazy, surrender to FEAR and APATHY, and wait another 6 months to a year to write once more.

Today I write.  Today I choose to not hoard my thoughts.  And maybe, over time, the other things that I know I hoard – my time, my money, my food, parts of my heart, my love – I will choose, day by day, to take my grip of control off those things and give them away freely.  That is my prayer today.

Proverbs 18:16 (NASV): “A man’s gift makes room for him and brings him before great men.”  Hmmm, “makes room” doesn’t leave any space for hoarding.  Something more to chew on…

Just some thoughts on…..Religion And Being Authentic.

This is from a journal entry dated 2/28/09 that I just re-discovered.  Felt like I needed to put my thoughts out there…for my own sake and sanity.

Sometimes I think that I want to push buttons in the Christian sub-culture – be like Jesus was with the religious people. He DID NOT like them – they did not represent his Father’s heart AT ALL. He called them a brood of vipers – poisionous like snakes. I think it would be like calling someone today a Mo’Fo’! (Or “Mutha Ucka” as Jemaine and Bret  (from Flight of the Concords) would say)  But even the thought of that seems soo “unloving.” Like I have the dual devil/angel on each shoulder and the angel is saying, “Now be nice Christy – don’t judge – we are to love one another unconditionally. Just remember – what would Jesus do?”  And then I have this devil on the other side saying, “I’ll tell you what Jesus would do – he’d tell those Mo’Fo’s to shut their religious traps up and then go heal someone on the Sabbath! That’s what he’d do!”

Man, I totally see how getting too deep into religion can make you bi-polar. And I now understand even more why so many people I know who’ve been to seminary are so messed up.  And even writing about this feels so blasphemous (which I attribute to the Pharisaical thoughts that swirl in my head at all times or maybe it’s conviction – who knows!)

What sparked these thoughts was a conversation with a friend this morning about putting yourself and your art or creativity out there for the world to either love or critisize out the wazoo.  And how we so want to control what happens either way, which is, as we all know, an impossibility.  She shared how she’s weighs her words so carefully, even when she writes, so as to not offend.  It’s like having that little “angel” give you the WWJD guilt trip all the time.  But the reality is that no matter how nice you try to be in life and love, you’re always gonna trip someone up – ALWAYS.  Which leads me to believe that if you are doing what you’re supposed to be doing – as far as what God has talented you with – created in you to do – and you’re NOT offending people on some level or pissing them off – ESPECIALLY uber religious folks – then maybe – just maybe you’re about 2 degrees off the exact course that you need to be on.  That somehow, you’re missing your full potential and in essence putting some big duck tape over Jesus’ mouth in order to keep him quiet.

This is not to say that offending people should be your primary motivating factor in life.  As I recently heard musician Derek Webb say, “Not everyone listens to music to be agitated” and so our primary motive can’t always be to want to agitate.  I would venture to guess that 99% of the time, Jesus said what he said, did what he did and lived the way he lived, compelled by the motive of love.  But maybe when he called the Pharisees a “brood of vipers”, he wasn’t weighing his words carefully, reasoning through guilt and the “Should I or shouldn’t I say this” kind of analyzation. I kinda think that in that moment – he was just plain ol’ pissed off and called a spade a spade – and in essence, in that moment, his primary motive WAS to offend and agitate.

I wonder if it can be a balance of both – equally giving consideration to what you say and how you say it, in order to be as objective as possible and at the same time just say what you think and feel, shooting from the hip, no matter who gets peeved in the process.  How can you fully be you, with all your ideas and opinions, without worrying about either of the above.  Maybe it just boils down to faithfulness.  If you are being faithful to say and do what you feel you need to say, do or create, without that filter of “oh geez, will this offend someone??” then is that what really matters in the end – is this what is means to really be like Jesus?

I love talking about all this kinds of stuff, which is what really scares me.  Because the LAST thing I want to do is work or be involved in the Christian sub-culture – I don’t think I could work in it without being labeled 1) a loud –mouth (or foul mouthed as I might cuss every once and a while) 2) a rebel  3) a bi-polar lunatic 4) obnoxious, mean and ugly and 5) “unChrist like – whatever that means.  I hate cynism and that’s the last thing that I would want to mark my life.  So how did Jesus do it – how was he so loving and kind and compassionate and yet so vehemently passionate and willing to turn over tables and become enraged at the same time?  This all seems so contradictory to the ideal of what’s been taught to me about what it means to be a loving Christian – or a Christian woman.   Well the truth is that’s just not who I am – I can’t be that kind of woman and that scares me as well because it seems that the sweet, kind woman is what most of the men I’m attracted to want or what some of the people I meet would like for me to be.  It’s a complicated mix – a tension to live with.

Another Funny Convo with a 5 year old

Last night, I mentioned to Judah (aformentioned 5 year old that I currently live with) that I really liked his cool hiking boots he was wearing.  I told him he looked like a “mountain man”. 

Judah asked me, “What’s a mountain man?”

I replied, “You know, a man likes to hang out in the mountains and well…hunt and kill things like deer and bears.”

Judah’s eyes lit up.  I think he was pleased with my compliment.

Later I asked him, “So Judah – what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Judah looked around the room (I guess he was afraid that someone else besides me, him and his sister might be listening) – then said, “You promise you won’t tell anyone?”  

I flat out lied and said, “Yes, of course!” (as I began thinking about how I was going to try and blog about his answer the next day).

Then Judah stood up straight and tall and said, “I want to be 3 things….

1 part mighty warrior of God

1 part Ogre

1 part Mountain Man

“Oh, so you actually mean you want to be 1/3 mighty warrior of God, 1/3 ogre and 1/3 mountain man, right?” – I asked.

“No, I just want to be half of a mighty man of God, half of an Ogre, and half of a mountain man, ” -Judah clarified.

At that point, I figured it was safe to not try and teach a lesson on fractions, so I just laughed out loud and told him I was very pleased with his choices.

I then asked his little sister, Mira, what she wanted to be when she grew up.  She said, “A Princess.”  I then said, “But Mira, you’re already a Princess.”  Mira then replied, “Ok then I just want to be a bigger Princess when I grow up, don’t you too?”

Yes, Mira – ALL WOMEN just want to be bigger Princesses when we grow up.  

I wonder when I’m going to get to grow up…..

Twitter – Day – who the hell cares!

Ok, I bommed miserably on the twitter experiment.  I never figured out how to use it on my phone (YES I am that technologically lame!) and it just drives me crazy – all the codes – the RT – the “@” symbols by everyone’s names – trying to decipher the comments after the “re-tweets”.  AHHHH!  

I will admit I still check it every so often – especially the people I’m following – namely businesses and certain personalities I like, so it’s useful in that regard I guess.  But I’m done worrying about it for now.  In fact, I may end up deleting this whole entire section about the “Twitter Experiment” as it proves that I’m not so great at doing experiments!

Bleeeh!

In Hopes of Winning the Peter Pan Lottery – Conversations with a 5 year old

Preface:  Since April, I’ve been staying with a family here in Nashville who have a 5 year old named Judah and a 2 & 1/2 year old named Miriam (or Mira or Mirayummy as she is sometimes called).  Judah has quite an imaginative mind, and never fails to engage me in some interesting conversations.  So this morning, as soon as I got up, he rushes to tell me something very important:

Judah:  Christy, guess what?

Christy:  What, Judah?

Judah:  Peter Pan came and visited me last night.  NOT the tooth fairy – just Peter Pan (FYI – Judah has a loose tooth – his first – so we’ve been talking about the Tooth Fairy a lot).

Christy:  Oh really – that’s cool.  Did he fly through your window?

Judah:  Yes, and he was waving a gold piece of paper.  I tried finding it after he left, but I think he hid it from me.  

Judah:  I don’t want the tooth fairy to come visit me when I loose my tooth – just Peter Pan.

Christy:  And remind me what you want the Tooth Fairy – errr, umm – I mean Peter Pan to leave under your pillow (FYI – Judah had mentioned the other day that he wanted about 10,000 pieces of candy left under his pillow)

Judah:  Well, I want bunches and bunches of candy and about $1,099.

Christy: Wow, $1,099?  (as my mind begins to race about what I could do with that amount of money).  Say, if Peter Pan leaves  that much money on your pillow, I may have to hit you up for a small loan, ok?!

Judah:  Why would you have to hit me?  I’d just give you some money.  But only if you let me watch some Pirate videos on your computer.

Christy:  Judah – if you loaned me a few hundred dollars of that money – then you could watch Pirate videos until the cows come home.

Judah:  Ok – it’s a deal then!  In fact, I hope Peter Pan leaves me a hundred hundred, thousand thousanths one millionths one hundred thousanths thousanths dollars.

Christy: (smiling with some greedy little thoughts) – Ok Judah – I have no idea what that adds up to, but it sounds like a lot of money, so I think you should give me half if I’m going to let you watch videos till the cows come home.

Judah: (with a big smile on his face) – Ok, it’s a deal.

Christy:  Shake on it? (as I thrust out my hand)

Judah:  (Shakes his head gleefully up and down and shakes my hand)

Christy:  Actually Judah, I believe in written contracts, so I think we should write something up about this agreement.

Judah:  (like a lamb before the slaughter – meaning – very innocently):  Ok!

I proceed to rip out a piece of paper from my journal.

Judah:  But Christy I don’t know how to write.

Christy: (like a greedy lawyer)  It’s ok Judah – I’ll write the contract and all you have to do is sign it.

Judah:  But I don’t know how to sign my name.

Christy:  All you have to do is scribble something – it’s the same thing as signing your name.

Then I proceed to write out the following:

“I Judah Rees Todd do hereby promise to give Miss Christy one half of my Tooth Fairy  Peter Pan money should he leave me at least $1,099.  Signed in Pirate Blood this day of August 26, 2009″

I then signed my name and gave the pen to Judah to scribble his signature on the page.

Then we both prayed, “Dear God – please bring Peter Pan and all his money and candy to our house tonight.” – Amen!

Me thinks we both may learn a thing or two before this whole thing is over….

Twitter – Day 2 – Skeptical…

I’m already skeptical…surprised?  I feel a bit overwhelmed by Twitter and frankly not all that interested in it.  I mean it’s been a bit helpful.  One organization I’m following has links to some good articles I’ve read in the past couple of days.  But I also have a lot of questions – you know the stuff you have to figure out in the beginning.  Like….

1) If I set Twitter up to be used on my phone, will it cut into my texts message amounts every time someone I’m following “tweets”?  I think it charges me a text every time I “tweet” – but I don’t plan to be tweeting all that much.  For now, I’m just following.  So I’ve got to get that figured out – otherwise it seems the twitter thing is useless UNLESS you have it set up on your phone.  That’s the only way you can take advantage of say – special offers from businesses, etc.  Am I right??????

Ok, so maybe I really only had that one question.  Or maybe the coffee hasn’t kicked in yet to remind me of the other questions I had.  

I’ve already decided that I’m going to quit following one of my fellow tweeters.  It’s a gal who has a ginormously famous blog and although I sometimes enjoy reading her blog – and think it’s funny – sometimes – I don’t particularly enjoy most of her “tweets” – in fact they annoy me a bit.  She seems like one of those who has nothing better to do but tweet all day.

WHICH leads me to another thing I found unbelievable.  I went through the little tutorial video (which was fairly helpful) and then read this little bit about “limits”. For instance, you can’t tweet more than 1,000 tweets a day.  1000!!!!  Are you kidding me?  Who does that?  Apparently someone with fast fingers, a lot of nothingness to say, and a lot of free time on their hands.  Unbelievable.  This twitter thing is really a phenomenon for sure – of the most insane kind.

I also realize that – like a lot of stuff in like – I’m probably taking all of this too seriously.  I need to lighten up and realize that Twitter is supposed to be fun, right?  I’m supposed to have fun with this.  I’m supposed to lighten up.

So there’s Day 2.  Feeling skeptical.

Twitter – Day 1 – thus far

Ok, first off, I am SHOCKED – SHOCKED to find out who all is on Twitter.  For those that tweet – you’ll know this – and for those that don’t – here’s the deal. When you sign up, if you have a gmail account (or maybe any web email account) – they go through your address book to see which of your peeps are already on twitter.  I had 94 – 94!!!!!  And the shocker of them all was my uncle – my STOIC uncle who doesn’t seem to have a social bone in his body (I’m sure he does, I’ve just never seen it).  In fact, I imagine him going off  on the evil ails of Twitter rather than supporting it, but then again, he is a business man and I’m sure it’s just for networking purposes (yeah – that’s what they all say, right!).  

Never the less, as I stated in my first post, I’m only planning to follow a few businesses, some organizations, some writers/entertainers and a couple of friends or people who make me laugh or who inspire me.  I don’t have many plans to “tweet” my thoughts right now.  I’ll save those for this here bloggy thing.  

I’m going to TRY – I say TRY – Twitter on my phone – but if my phone starts exploding with constant “tweets” – then I may turn the damn thing off!  I am one of those who has a low threshold for boredom, so again….this will be an experiment in whether I can last the 30 days or not.  I’ve also already discovered that Twitter can be the never-ending BLACK HOLE.  Much like Facebook.  So I’m going to have to set some limits to this as well. Like – don’t check tweets late at night – or right before going to bed.  Causes too much thought and brain activity and thus insomnia for me.

Tickle me song silly

Love this guy – especially this video.  Not everything he does makes me laugh out loud – but this one video DOES.  Mainly because it reminds me of a few slackers in my life who I just love for…well….being slackers.  Besides, I can’t resist a man who can belt out a little Billy Joel!

Here’s to Barak (allegedly pronounced “Bear – ack”) Hardley….

Likey what you see…then go check him out: www.barakhardley.com

Finally Caved to the Twitter Monster…..

To Tweet or not to Tweet.  That is the big  – life altering question is seems these days.  When meeting someone new or talking to an old friend, rather than asking for your phone number, the new thing to ask is, “Do you Twitter?  OR – Are you on Facebook?”  It’s the unspoken, “I’d much rather follow you vicariously than spend precious cell phone minutes or face time catching up on life. Besides, I’m not much of a phone talker anyway  – but man, I can sure tweet!”

I’ve resisted Twitter for as long as possible.  Just like I resisted status updates on Facebook for a long time– largely because I feared I’d become like some people who decide to post a mini novel on their updates – all in what seems like an attempt to make sure that someone out there pays attention to them.  And I know I’m not the first person to want to wax poetic about the pros and cons of Facebook or status updates or how it’s teaching our society how to have “virtual” relationships vs. real ones.  Don’t worry…I’m not going to get on my soapbox about any of that – not yet at least. 

All of this has shown me that -  I am – like every other human on the planet – in desperate need of attention.  That yes, I have the same human nature as everyone else – and eventually I will succumb to the masses and do what everyone else is doing. It’s hard NOT TO.  It’s hard to go against the grain – at least for the long haul.  And so thus, I did start writing status updates on Facebook.  And I’ll honestly admit that I often go through my day thinking a thought and then saying to myself, “Gee – that would make a great status update!”  Thankfully, I have a fairly good censor in my brain that stops me from actually posting what I’m thinking MOST of the time.  And I will admit – I do have some friends on Facebook who write some pretty darn funny updates just for the sake of making people laugh – and laugh I do – so for that I am thankful.  And for that reason ALONE, I decided…well…maybe Twitter couldn’t be that bad – especially if only for the reason of hearing some things throughout the day that might make me laugh, cuz I really need a LOT of laughter in my life right now. 

And so thus…..I admit….I decided today to sign up for Twitter.  I decided that I’m going to do an experiment of sorts.  I had a conversation recently about the PROS of Twitter  – mainly because I’d heard so many of the CONS (seen the funny YouTube videos, read the articles, etc).  And through that conversation, I began to see how it really is a great and FREE marketing tool for businesses, organizations and artists/entertainers trying to gain a following. 

So, for the next 30 days – starting today, August 24, 2009 – I’m going to follow some businesses I love, as well as some organizations that I’m fond of – as well as some people who make me laugh or inspire me – as well as maybe a handful of closer friends.    I already know MORE than a dozen folks who’ve tried Twitter – got bored very easily and have now either closed their account or just don’t tweet – they only follow those who tweet.  And I admit – after 30 days, I may end up in the same boat.  We’ll see…..

“You Move Me” – Susan Ashton

“You Move Me”

(Songwriters – Gordon Kennedy & Pierce Pettis)

 

This is how it seems to me

Life is Only Therapy

Real Expensive and No Guarantees

 

So I lie here on the couch

With my Heart hanging out

Frozen solid with Fear

Like a rock in the ground

 

But you move me

You give me courage I didn’t know I had

You move me

 I can’t go with you and stay where I am

So you Move me 

I recently had a friend who’s a big blogger post a question asking how many times someone had moved in their life thus far. Well, after all the comments were in, I was declared the winner.  FINALLY! I WON SOMETHING!  (But not necessarily something I wanted to win.) 

After tallying everything up on a piece of paper, I figured out…since college…I have moved 27 times in the past 13 years.  That includes moves to different cities, moves within the same city, moves to different states and moves back to the same city and same state.  Sound exhausting and confusing? Well….it has been…but it’s also been my journey and one unlike I would have ever imagined. And I know that God has allowed all this “moving” because he knows that I can’t go on the adventure my heart wants and stay where I am – so, for me – that has involved moving – both literally and figuratively. 

With each move, I have complied a library of journals – which have been for me – THERAPY – just as this song suggests.  Writing about my LIFE – all the twists and turns….all the dissapointments, joys, mishaps, mistakes, lessons learned, funny moments.  All the material that makes for an excuse to enter into therapy.  And trust me, I’ve spent many many hours in real therapy, but I would also say that much of my therapy has happened in a car, packed to the brim, driving on an open road, to a new adventure, in a new place.  Where my heart, at the beginning of the drive, at the beginning of the adventure – was frozen solid with fear.  Where I didn’t even know or realize the amount of courage that lay within me until it was time to make the next big move.   

Well here is how love was to me

I could look and not see

Going through the emotions

Not knowing what they mean

 

And it scared me so much

That I just wouldn’t budge

I might of stayed there forever

If not for your touch

 

Oh But you move me

Out of myself and into the fire

You move me

Burning with love and with hope and desire

How you move me 

I’d be lying if I said that “love” or even “lust” of something or someone wasn’t the motivating factor for some of my moves.  I’ll never forget a dear friend named Nan praying for me right before I made a big move to Tennessee back in 2001.  We both opened our eyes after the prayer, she looked at me and smiled and then said, “there is a boy involved, isn’t there?”  And as much as I wanted to deny it, my bottom lip began to do the typical quivering as tears streamed down my face and I had to suck it up and admit that YES – I knew a boy there that I had hoped to…well…get to know better. 

It was definitely a case, much like the line above, of looking and not seeing when it came to love – or at least my ideas about love.  Not only in this move to Tennessee but in many of my moves around the country.  And not just with men per say, but with people in general.  I’m sure any military brat out there could say a hearty “amen” with me when I say that it’s hard to NOT guard your heart when you move so much.  It’s hard to start over and over.  It’s hard to have to repeat and retell your story OVER and OVER and OVER.  But I chose this!  I chose every single move I made. 

Or maybe it chose me. Each move chose for me an opportunity to learn what love is all about – taking a risk – putting yourself out there – getting burned and hurt sometimes – only to take a risk again – put yourself out there and experience joy as well.  Do you have to move to experience that?  No.  But this is my journey – and apparently God knew I did need this.  Because I am more aware, since hindsight is always 20/20, that had I stayed where I had wanted to stay after college, my sense of life, adventure and my experience of love would have most likely grown stale and stagnant.  Guess I’ll never really know for sure.  Guess I’ll just have to trust that my Maker knows me the best and knew even then that zig zag works better for me that straight lines.  

You go whistling in the dark

Making light of it

Making light of it

And I follow with my heart

Laughing all the way

 

Oh cuz you move me

You get me dancing and you make me sing

You move me

Now I’m taking delight in every little thing

How you move me

Oh you move me

Oh you move me 

Yeah, I think God has done a LOT of laughing along the way – even when I’ve been angry as hell at him.  Why do you keep moving me, when all I want to do is stay??? As if it’s HIS fault.  As if he’s sticking a gun to my head.  Like I said before – every move has been my choice.  And sometimes my choice to move has been just a choice to run.  Why do I keep running when all God wants to do is give me a “home”?  This paradox is killing me – killing my soul.

Each year that I get older and realize that I don’t have any of the trappings of success that the world suggests I have at my age (you know a fat 401K, a home, marriage, children, some sort of legacy, etc), I become more and more convinced that I need to plant roots somewhere. 

Ok – this is IT – no more moves.  I’m done.  Very black and white – all or nothing kind of thinking that my counselor friend likes to remind me of!  Not that planting roots isn’t a great thing – it is – or so I hear.  But I’ve heard this voice inside me keep reminding me that this earth is not my home.  And I don’t mean that to say that I won’t ever own a home or stay put in one place for a long time.  I really do long for that most days and see soo much value in it.

But I also realize that this “lesson” has less to do with literal moving than it has to do with my heart – and the flexible or not so flexible place that it is in at all times before God.  When you make a home – literally (especially if you’re a woman given over to her “nester” instincts) – you like to stay there.  For a long time.  At least some do. 

Then there are those times when you outgrow the home.  Just like your heart outgrows the place it’s been “nesting” in.  God knows it’s time to move onto a bigger, wider open space – where there’s room to make a few mistakes (but that’s for another song!).  A bigger “home” I guess you could say. And more often that not, my heart says, “uh uh – I’m not ready to move – I just got here – I’m finally feeling like I’m settled. I finally got the curtains up and you’re asking me to do what?  Pack it all up and move on?  Take these lessons with me? They’ll be needed at my new home? Are you friggin’ kidding me?”

Oh God – I want to take delight in every little move.  Every move that you are making in my heart – in my life.  I want my heart to be ready to say, “YES” when you say “it’s time to move on….” – knowing that wherever you’re taking me, it’s going to be GOOD – you’ll keep me dancing and singing.  Every person I meet, every experience I have (and have had) will all be preparing me – my heart – for the HOME that you are preparing for me to finally make my place of rest in – for eternity.